BCT AAR- Reflections on Becoming a Soldier

An AAR is an After Action Review, and we conducted them throughout BCT after various training events to debrief. We'd talk about what went well, what didn't and what could be changed to make it better. It's been about ten days since I graduated and I had some time to reflect over the Thanksgiving holiday driving countless hours to and from Texas to think about those things.

I'll start with the good.
Brotherhood- In an age where friendship can be defined as a webpage you have access to because you happened to meet someone at a coffee shop, its become too cheap of a word to use here. Brotherhood has nothing to do with social networks. Brotherhood is love on a level that allows you to willingly lay down your life for another soldier without hesitation. In just ten short weeks I was able to develop this sort of camaraderie with a select few guys in my company- these are men that I'd love to have to my right and left on a desolate mountainside in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, we're all off in different directions now and will most likely never serve together but the units that receive them will be better off because of them. I'm thankful to have had their support and encouragement.

Mental Toughness- I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into when I got on the plane to Columbia, SC. I knew there were going to be long days, pain, the possibility of injury, lack of contact with the rest of the world, and a host of other challenges. I also knew I have a tendency to be a wimp on the inside. The questions of "What if I can't [fill in the blank]..." constantly hit me, and the fear of being exposed as weak or incapable haunted me. In spite of this I held on to what I knew to be true that God had a reason for me to serve my country and that regardless of my insecurities and weaknesses his power was able to be seen that much more in me. He constantly reminded me of David in the Old Testament and all battles he won with God's strength. Psalm 18 was my reminder when I needed strength, particularly verses 31-39. And the Lord made me stronger- whether it was fighting through the pain and doing the exercises right when we were getting smoked, cutting minutes from my two mile run time, or staying alert on guard duty when I felt like falling asleep- I could feel his presence pushing me on and making me a better soldier.

Leadership- I've been in leadership positions for as long as I can remember from Boy Scouts through college and at work, but this was a different experience entirely. Army leadership is gruff, concise, and confident. It was incredibly intimidating to be handed the command of 50 people with a handful of drill sergeants as your immediate supervisors, and then even more so to be in charge of the company with the real first sergeant and all the drill sergeants in the company as your supervisors. And effectively leading 160 people required a completely different skill set than leading a few of people that you could micromanage if necessary- that was impossible to do when leading a company. I would know. I tried. I am extremely thankful for the opportunity I had to be student first sergeant and learn valuable lessons in using the chain of command effectively and learning when to yell like a drill sergeant and when to just be cool and collected. I also learned the value of results-driven leadership. No one wanted to hear an excuse when they came to collect information from me. I had to respond along the lines of "no, the task isn't complete" or "yes, here's whatever you needed from me." Anything along the lines of no plus an excuse wasn't acceptable. If they asked for a reason why something wasn't done I could give one, but most of the time they didn't care. Results or don't waste my time. Valuable lessons and ones I'm glad to have learned so early on in my career.

Family- Most people don't immediately think of the sacrifice it takes for the family of a soldier to send their loved one off. I am extremely blessed to have a supportive wife that has stuck with this decision to be a part of the military from the beginning. She worked extremely hard while I was gone to take the reigns of the work I normally do, and did it all very well. (I also have to pause here to thank our friends who stepped in like family and helped out in big ways to ease the burden on her as our immediate families are both half way across the country.) But we did well as a couple while we were apart, doing our best to love one another through letters that arrived two weeks after they were sent, and because of this we also feel more prepared to face the inevitable deployment[s] that will separate us for a much longer period of time. I'm also thankful for my parents and their consistent letters of encouragement. My mom's letters were constantly filled with scripture and support- it wasn't hard to figure out why I cried watching the music video for "Letters from War" during church in the second week of basic- having just received my first letter from her. Letters from dads were proudly held high when they came in the mail. Grown men still want their father's approval and nothing comes close to the sound of hearing your dad say he's proud of you. I think John Michael Montgomery nailed the way we feel about it in his song "Letters from Home" (which my wife posted in an earlier entry- but in case you missed it here is the knock off youtube version). So thanks Dad, for your letters- they mean a lot. And thank you to my sisters, grandparents, my wife's side of the family, and to all my other friends that sent me mail while I was gone- I've got a stack that I brought back with every letter I got because I'm appreciative of them all.


The things that were hard.
I don't really have topics per se for the things that I didn't like at basic- there were the obvious like being stripped of freedoms, good food, and a full night's rest but those things were temporary, and now they're nothing more than a memory. Those types of "pain" were easier to overlook- or as the Army calls it: embracing the suck. There were other struggles that were harder to overlook and most of those were from problems I had with other soldiers. Sometimes those soldiers were individuals that got to me but usually it was an unofficial group that was capable of driving me to the edge of my breaking point. [From this point forward everything will probably sound more like a rant, but I hope it's a constructive one.] Nobody made me or several hundred thousand other soldiers in the US military sign up. There was no threat of jail time if we didn't enlist. And I'm sure even the Amish people without TV's know we've been in a war in the Middle East for the last decade. So on some level everyone I trained with wanted to be there and knew there was a good chance they'd eventually be shipped out to war, but looking at the company as a whole- you'd never be able to tell. To this day I still have no idea why people with no respect for authority and no self discipline would sit down in a recruiter's office and literally sign their life over to the government. Always looking out for number one they never became part of the group and I could never trust them to protect my life. I really wanted to get the phone numbers of their quota-filling recruiters so I could give them an earful when I got back from BCT for all the lives they jeopardize for not recognizing when someone is too far gone to be useful as a soldier.

The other category of soldiers I couldn't stand were the ones who willingly skated by doing the minimums. I don't care how hard basic might seem- I looked at every day as an opportunity to learn something that would keep me and my buddies alive whether that meant getting stronger or getting smarter. But the problem is- when that's not everyone's attitude chances are they're going to be the one that makes a mistake that gets people killed. I signed up because I knew that I'd do everything in my power to complete my mission and get the men in my command back home. This isn't a game we play and I don't have a lot of tolerance for most things period, let alone things that could cost the lives of American soldiers.

I'm not sure how I would improve the things I had problems with, but if it were totally up to me I'd hand out more dishonorable discharges and leave graduating basic up to a vote by your peers.

Basic training is something I hope to never repeat, but I'm proud of the fact that I went through it. It's an honor to be inducted into a family that's been protecting this nation for generations. After ten weeks I came out better than I went in- more mature and disciplined, in prime physical condition, and part of something that I've always had the utmost respect for. Thank you again to those of you who have been a part of this journey thus far- I couldn't do it without y'all, and I look forward to continuing to share where this takes me.