Pre-OCS Phase 0 (Weekend 2 of 3)

This weekend was definitely different than the last drill. I hesitate to say it was easier or harder than last month, it was just different. As a class we were more prepared and the leadership seemed more put together. Also all of our TAC Sergeants were out, so we just had the regular cadre sergeants who don't feel the need to yell and scream as much. Out of the original 83 candidates we had 58 return for another round. About six of those were new- they didn't attend the first Phase 0, which is technically allowed but highly frowned upon. My squad leader from last drill didn't come back, so since I was Alpha team leader I got bumped to the squad leader position. Friday night was spent continuing to take care of paperwork deficiencies. Getting all the documents together for Phase I is a small miracle thanks to the efficiency of government employees. We got smoked once or twice Friday night but it wasn't bad. We were in bed by 2230.

Saturday we had a 5 mile ruck march with our kevlar helmet, LCE, and a 35-40 lb. ruck, plus water. All in all I probably had about 60 lbs. of gear. The standard to pass is 1 hour 45 minutes. It was still cool when we stepped off at 0600 in the dark. I settled into a 16 minute mile pace, which is the pace I had done a few training marches at- reasoning that coming in 25 minutes before the standard time is a pretty good time. The instructors, however, wanted to see times closer to 1:10:00, so I was a little too slow for their liking, but now that I know the times they're really looking for I'll adjust fire. We were told we couldn't bring commercial combat boots to Phase I in Kansas [later that was taken back, commercial boots may be worn as long as they meet the regs], so I used my standard issue boots, and they tore my feet up. Thank you lowest bidder for your excellent work. Looks like I'll need to be wearing them more often to keep from blistering up in Kansas.

The rest of Saturday was spent in the classroom doing a land nav test that they let us take with a battle buddy and reviewing the basics of how to apply the classroom portion to the practical course. Around 2000 we were in a mass formation and the cadre passed the word on to the student 1st sergeant to release us to our barracks for the night- most of us were in shock, the sun wasn't even totally down yet. So naturally we were excited to get a little free time. Right as they were giving us the orders the cadre stopped us and said we needed to stretch out first. No problem. I needed some good stretching time after the march that morning anyway. Well from there it took a nose dive- after the first two stretches, two of the officer cadre just started smoking us for the fun of it. Talking to a sergeant about this later, NCO's go through training on when to tell how much is too much. No doubt smoke sessions are meant to toughen up soldiers, but contrary to popular belief they aren't designed to injure or break people. Officers go through no such training. So for an hour and a half we got smoked. Some of the females were crying and one candidate stood up and quit the program. A minute after he did that we stopped and continued stretching. I about puked from how hard they worked us, but thankfully I didn't- that's not the kind of attention you want.

Sunday was the land nav course. The course is designed to be extremely difficult so that candidates excel on the actual course in Kansas for Phase I, which our cadre told us is a joke compared to our course. Driving up to the course I could tell the woods were so dense you could barely see the sun coming up through the trees. Dense underbrush would be an understatement. We needed to find 3 out of the 5 markers that we had grid coordinates for- which the cadre promised would not be an easy task. There were no beaten paths and this course regularly fails seasoned infantry sergeants. We had three hours to complete the course and somehow my team of three hobbled around on our hamburgered feet and got all 5. We were one of the only (if not the only) groups to do so.

Candidates interested in going to the accelerated OCS course had to write a letter explaining why they needed to go. As of leaving Sunday evening, I didn't hear of anyone getting approval to go. Most people were told no, and a few hadn't received an answer yet.

Sunday afternoon we spent cleaning the barracks and standing on the concrete in the hot sun until we had been there long enough to satisfy the training requirement. We got released at 1600 which is about an hour earlier than when the scheduled time was- no one complained. Another month down and only one month left in 0 Phase.

Pre-OCS Phase 0 (Weekend 1 of 3)

There is a sign on the entrance to Ranger school at Fort Benning that reads: "Not for the weak or faint-hearted." Well that about sums up the first weekend of Pre-OCS for Class 56. The course ran Friday night through Sunday night in a high stress atmosphere. Meaning, a lot of attention from the TAC Officers/NCO's and a lot of yelling and smoke sessions. TACs have replaced drill sergeants and are the cadre for the OCS course. Whenever speaking we had to address them with, "Sir/Sergeant, Officer Candidate [last name] (insert question comment, etc...)" They wear black patrol caps to distinguish themselves from us- as if they needed any help. All of our TACs are solid instructors. They're tough but they're also clearly there to teach you and help you learn- granted that doesn't mean they'll teach you nicely, but the knowledge you need eventually gets to you.

We did a diagnostic APFT test the first thing Saturday morning- and as expected the standards were strict.  The difference between a diagnostic and a record APFT is that the diagnostic doesn't go on your record. If people failed by more than 10% in any event they were sent home at the end of the weekend (scoring lower than a 50 in any event). For the Phase 0 record APFT in May the minimum passing score is 60 but to be competitive you need scores in the 70-80 range for each event. Starting phase 1 is all based on an OML. Think of Phase 0 as tryouts. Contrary to what my recruiter made it sound like, when you enlist as a 09S or officer candidate, your contract will get you into Phase 0 if you meet all the requirements. You aren't at any point guaranteed a commission. The odds of commissioning are actually very low. The class a year ahead of us (Class 55) had about 90 people in the start of Phase 0 and as of this weekend they're down to 15 in Phase 2 with five months to go. 09S candidates are looked down upon by the TACs as we have no experience whatsoever leading troops. No deployments, nothing. So we definitely have to prove ourselves. 17 candidates were sent home and requested not to come back. More will self-withdraw by next month. Class 56 started out with 83 candidates and slowly but surely that number is shrinking.

When we weren't getting smoked, we were in the classroom taking refresher courses on land nav[igation]. Next month we'll take a written exam and do a field exercise on a night and day land nav course. They generally didn't let us stay in the classroom for more than 45 minutes at a time without finding some reason to get us outside for a little exercise. We went to bed between 2200 and were up by 0500 both days, and we had fireguard shifts for an hour at some point during the night. The facilities including the bays were top notch. I was expecting run down- typical military condition buildings, but everything was new and in really nice shape. Texas has gotten awards for their OCS program and consistently ranks in the very top programs in all the states.

It's all a game. The TACs know its a game. And if I play their game for the next 17 months as hard as I can I'll have my butter bar.

Green Light to Pre-OCS

I retook my APFT this weekend and passed without any trouble. My LT made us all pass with a minimum of 70 points in each event (something he informed us of three days prior to the test...) not the Army standard of 60 in each event. I scored personal bests in both push ups and sit ups, so that was cool. Now I just need to repeat that performance for the next three months of Pre-OCS so I can move on to Phase 1 of OCS.

I submitted my application packet for OCS today as well, so I'm on track and ready to go down to Austin in a few weeks.

OCS Symposium

This last weekend was the OCS Symposium for Class 56 at Camp Mabry in Austin. Essentially it was just a workshop set up to help candidates complete their packets for admission to OCS. I was skeptical at first and thought it would be a waste of time, but it was actually helpful in getting the packet together. A lot of the time was typical "hurry up and wait" but it's all part of the game. I found out I've had my security clearance for several months already- apparently it's been sitting on someone's desk for the whole time. We also found out Texas has funding for 30 to go to accelerated OCS- that's a huge difference compared to "Texas isn't sending anyone." With those kind of numbers half the class could go accelerated. It is all dependent on where the instructors rank you in the OML during Pre-OCS to determine if you get a slot or not.

Sunday morning we did an APFT, you need a passing score to move on to Pre-OCS that starts in March. My grader shorted me on at least 20 push-ups that I know I was doing correctly- so I only was given credit for 35, not enough to pass. At that point it didn't really matter what I did from there, if you fail one event you fail the whole thing. I maxed the sit-ups and got a decent run score considering I was too cold to feel my feet for the first 1/2 mile. We should have another chance to take the test next month at drill, that will be my only shot at getting into this class for OCS. I'm frustrated because I preformed well enough to exceed the standards, but I guess sometimes you have to be willing to prove that more than once.

I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.

Battle Handoff

I've been getting a lot of questions about what's next, so here are the most recent updates:

Battle Handoff
I've been officially handed over to my unit, so I now sport the patch for the 36th Infantry Division on my uniform (its an arrowhead with a capital T in it). I'll be a part of this company until I am assigned a branch of service. If I end up as an infantry officer chances are I'll be at that unit, but if I get a different branch assignment I'll end up somewhere else.

Officer Training
For a while there was some debate as to which route I'd be taking to get my commission. One of those options was eliminated as the Accelerated OCS program is not currently available to officer candidates in Texas. ROTC was also on the table so I could go back to school for my masters degree and my commission at the same time. The problem with that program is that it's really designed for full time students and working while going to school would have been a logistical nightmare for 2 years. The final option, and the path I'll be taking is the National Guard Traditional OCS program- one weekend a month for 18 months. The training is held outside Austin, TX at Camp Swift. That program starts in March 2012 and I will be drilling with my current unit until then. Once OCS starts I'll be promoted to a "Candidate" and be paid as an E-6 (2 grades higher than I am now) and once the course is finished I'll be given my commission as a 2nd Lieutenant. Training won't stop there- I'll still have a 4-5 month Officer Basic Course (OBC) where I'll learn my specific branch responsibilities (similar to AIT) and a 6 week Basic Officer Leadership Course II (BOLC II). It may sound like a lot of training but it's also a lot of responsibility to be handed, so it'll be worth the journey over the next few years.

BCT AAR- Reflections on Becoming a Soldier

An AAR is an After Action Review, and we conducted them throughout BCT after various training events to debrief. We'd talk about what went well, what didn't and what could be changed to make it better. It's been about ten days since I graduated and I had some time to reflect over the Thanksgiving holiday driving countless hours to and from Texas to think about those things.

I'll start with the good.
Brotherhood- In an age where friendship can be defined as a webpage you have access to because you happened to meet someone at a coffee shop, its become too cheap of a word to use here. Brotherhood has nothing to do with social networks. Brotherhood is love on a level that allows you to willingly lay down your life for another soldier without hesitation. In just ten short weeks I was able to develop this sort of camaraderie with a select few guys in my company- these are men that I'd love to have to my right and left on a desolate mountainside in Afghanistan. Unfortunately, we're all off in different directions now and will most likely never serve together but the units that receive them will be better off because of them. I'm thankful to have had their support and encouragement.

Mental Toughness- I had a pretty good idea of what I was getting into when I got on the plane to Columbia, SC. I knew there were going to be long days, pain, the possibility of injury, lack of contact with the rest of the world, and a host of other challenges. I also knew I have a tendency to be a wimp on the inside. The questions of "What if I can't [fill in the blank]..." constantly hit me, and the fear of being exposed as weak or incapable haunted me. In spite of this I held on to what I knew to be true that God had a reason for me to serve my country and that regardless of my insecurities and weaknesses his power was able to be seen that much more in me. He constantly reminded me of David in the Old Testament and all battles he won with God's strength. Psalm 18 was my reminder when I needed strength, particularly verses 31-39. And the Lord made me stronger- whether it was fighting through the pain and doing the exercises right when we were getting smoked, cutting minutes from my two mile run time, or staying alert on guard duty when I felt like falling asleep- I could feel his presence pushing me on and making me a better soldier.

Leadership- I've been in leadership positions for as long as I can remember from Boy Scouts through college and at work, but this was a different experience entirely. Army leadership is gruff, concise, and confident. It was incredibly intimidating to be handed the command of 50 people with a handful of drill sergeants as your immediate supervisors, and then even more so to be in charge of the company with the real first sergeant and all the drill sergeants in the company as your supervisors. And effectively leading 160 people required a completely different skill set than leading a few of people that you could micromanage if necessary- that was impossible to do when leading a company. I would know. I tried. I am extremely thankful for the opportunity I had to be student first sergeant and learn valuable lessons in using the chain of command effectively and learning when to yell like a drill sergeant and when to just be cool and collected. I also learned the value of results-driven leadership. No one wanted to hear an excuse when they came to collect information from me. I had to respond along the lines of "no, the task isn't complete" or "yes, here's whatever you needed from me." Anything along the lines of no plus an excuse wasn't acceptable. If they asked for a reason why something wasn't done I could give one, but most of the time they didn't care. Results or don't waste my time. Valuable lessons and ones I'm glad to have learned so early on in my career.

Family- Most people don't immediately think of the sacrifice it takes for the family of a soldier to send their loved one off. I am extremely blessed to have a supportive wife that has stuck with this decision to be a part of the military from the beginning. She worked extremely hard while I was gone to take the reigns of the work I normally do, and did it all very well. (I also have to pause here to thank our friends who stepped in like family and helped out in big ways to ease the burden on her as our immediate families are both half way across the country.) But we did well as a couple while we were apart, doing our best to love one another through letters that arrived two weeks after they were sent, and because of this we also feel more prepared to face the inevitable deployment[s] that will separate us for a much longer period of time. I'm also thankful for my parents and their consistent letters of encouragement. My mom's letters were constantly filled with scripture and support- it wasn't hard to figure out why I cried watching the music video for "Letters from War" during church in the second week of basic- having just received my first letter from her. Letters from dads were proudly held high when they came in the mail. Grown men still want their father's approval and nothing comes close to the sound of hearing your dad say he's proud of you. I think John Michael Montgomery nailed the way we feel about it in his song "Letters from Home" (which my wife posted in an earlier entry- but in case you missed it here is the knock off youtube version). So thanks Dad, for your letters- they mean a lot. And thank you to my sisters, grandparents, my wife's side of the family, and to all my other friends that sent me mail while I was gone- I've got a stack that I brought back with every letter I got because I'm appreciative of them all.


The things that were hard.
I don't really have topics per se for the things that I didn't like at basic- there were the obvious like being stripped of freedoms, good food, and a full night's rest but those things were temporary, and now they're nothing more than a memory. Those types of "pain" were easier to overlook- or as the Army calls it: embracing the suck. There were other struggles that were harder to overlook and most of those were from problems I had with other soldiers. Sometimes those soldiers were individuals that got to me but usually it was an unofficial group that was capable of driving me to the edge of my breaking point. [From this point forward everything will probably sound more like a rant, but I hope it's a constructive one.] Nobody made me or several hundred thousand other soldiers in the US military sign up. There was no threat of jail time if we didn't enlist. And I'm sure even the Amish people without TV's know we've been in a war in the Middle East for the last decade. So on some level everyone I trained with wanted to be there and knew there was a good chance they'd eventually be shipped out to war, but looking at the company as a whole- you'd never be able to tell. To this day I still have no idea why people with no respect for authority and no self discipline would sit down in a recruiter's office and literally sign their life over to the government. Always looking out for number one they never became part of the group and I could never trust them to protect my life. I really wanted to get the phone numbers of their quota-filling recruiters so I could give them an earful when I got back from BCT for all the lives they jeopardize for not recognizing when someone is too far gone to be useful as a soldier.

The other category of soldiers I couldn't stand were the ones who willingly skated by doing the minimums. I don't care how hard basic might seem- I looked at every day as an opportunity to learn something that would keep me and my buddies alive whether that meant getting stronger or getting smarter. But the problem is- when that's not everyone's attitude chances are they're going to be the one that makes a mistake that gets people killed. I signed up because I knew that I'd do everything in my power to complete my mission and get the men in my command back home. This isn't a game we play and I don't have a lot of tolerance for most things period, let alone things that could cost the lives of American soldiers.

I'm not sure how I would improve the things I had problems with, but if it were totally up to me I'd hand out more dishonorable discharges and leave graduating basic up to a vote by your peers.

Basic training is something I hope to never repeat, but I'm proud of the fact that I went through it. It's an honor to be inducted into a family that's been protecting this nation for generations. After ten weeks I came out better than I went in- more mature and disciplined, in prime physical condition, and part of something that I've always had the utmost respect for. Thank you again to those of you who have been a part of this journey thus far- I couldn't do it without y'all, and I look forward to continuing to share where this takes me.

Family Day/Graduation

Note: These last three entries I [the soldier] have been writing at home from memory- there simply wasn't enough time to write home during training given my leadership responsibilities. I've gone back and made some edits to previous posts and added photos that our cadre posted to the battalion's facebook page during our cycle so be sure to check those out if you haven't seen them yet.

 Family Day
We finally made it to Family Day and it was well worth all the effort to get there. We were up late the night before on our recently reacquired cell phones catching up on facebook, texting, and doing all the things our generation is so proficient at- so much for breaking those technology addictions. We got up at 0500 and started cleaning weapons (again) so they could be turned in after breakfast. They threatened to take us away from our families if the company didn't pass the armory inspection, so we were all pretty nervous about that but nothing ever came of it. At 1000 we were finally reunited with our families in a really cool ceremony. We were "hiding" in the wood line behind the parade field and after the commanders had sufficiently run out of patriotic statements to make smoke grenades and artillery simulators started going off and we rushed out onto the field. It was very Revolutionary War feeling- the whole battalion (about 800 soldiers) charging behind our respective guidons to Toby Keith's "Red, White and Blue." (Well I guess the last part wasn't very 1774...). Many of us were unexpectedly emotional about the whole thing- I was holding back tears and about everybody else I talked to later was doing the same with varying levels of success. Something about standing proudly in front of my wife as a soldier brought on intense emotions that I didn't anticipate. The families were released to pick us up on the parade field and my wife blind sided me. (Several guys told me later that night they were able to hold in the tears until I was nearly tackled and that just put them over the top. Way to go wifey, you make grown men cry) She was the first one on the field and found out later she nearly knocked over my company 1st sergeant to get there. Words can't express how good it felt to be with her again. We didn't have an off-post pass so we spent the rest of the day going around the base- took two trips to the PX, checked out the museum, had dinner at the NCO Club, and wandered around aimlessly. My mother-in-law (a retired field grade officer) surprised me and came that afternoon and spent the rest of the day with us too. We were back at our company at 2030, got smoked for no good reason and went up to conduct "bay maintenance" but most of us were so tired we just crashed.

Graduation Day
Graduation was a lot like Family Day, we were back on Hilton Field and we got bussed there instead of having to march like the day before. The ceremony was quick and to the point, probably lasted about 30 minutes. I was in a special detachment with the other honor graduates (Soldier Leader of the Cycle, Soldier of the Cycle, High BRM, High PT- each of the 5 companies had one of each plus the Drill Sergeant of the cycle). We were awarded the Army Achievement Medal by the Lt. Colonel and our families got to sit in VIP seating. After the ceremony the Post Commander (a Major General (2 star)) spoke to the honor grads and we received a coin from him and a coin from the post's Command Sergeant Major. So I got three coins total at basic (I forgot to mention earlier that I got one from our Platoon Sergeant/head DS for being chosen as Soldier Leader of the Cycle- which I also forgot to mention that my platoon had three of the four honor grads for our company which greatly pleased our DS's). (Coins are a military tradition and are given in recognition of achievement and probably several other reasons that aren't coming to mind presently.) My parent's surprised me and were there at the ceremony which I wasn't expecting so it was a huge blessing to be able to celebrate with everyone from my family that came down. We were given an off-post pass on Graduation Day so we all went out for a pizza before we had to go back home. I got to fly back the night of graduation, so my parents and I all went to the airport together. I had some great friends pick me up from the airport (my wife didn't get to fly home until the next morning) and they took me straight to BWW's before going home- my friends know me so well... It was good to sleep in my own bed and it was very good to be back home.